To my Mother, who died in January 2007

To Mom.

I took this photo with my cell phone camera in Deptember 2006. It was the last time I saw my Mom

This is a letter long unwritten, and that should have been written many, many years ago.

Thinking back, I'm sure that the last time I wrote to you was during my National Service. After that it was a matter of picking up a telephone, or popping around to visit when I had nothing else to do. As time went by, contact between us, from my side, became more infrequent.

Your children had moved on with our lives, and you were'nt getting younger. I invited you to come live with us. You would have your own cottage, and could live independently, yet know that at any time I would be there.

Still, I went my own way, although I did pop in for a quick tea and chat in between everything else. Spending time with you was not vital, because after all, you were right there.

After Dad passed on, you moved back to Cape Town, and although I regularly promised to visit, even if just for a weekend, I never had the time, although there was plenty of it.

I did eventually get to visit you. But it was only because you had fallen, and were bed-ridden. The likelihood of your ever walking again was minute, and it was a certainty that you would not return home.

4 months later you moved again, to join Dad. Your last move.

Mom, I just want to tell you, that just knowing you were there was an anchor in my life.

I want to tell you, that all those times, as  a growing child, a young adult, and even as a not so young parent, every time I told you I love you, I didn't mean it.

I was just repeating a phrase that i had been taught.

Now only, now that i cannot pop in for tea and a chat, that I cannot phone you, ask for advice, tell you about my week, offer a little help, do I realize how important you are to me. Now only, when I tell you I love you do I know what I mean.

I haven't seen you since September 2006, but you are with me every day. Thank you for that. I love you Mom!